I was taking a walk down Fantasy Street and guess who I bumped into? No, not Johnny Depp ( though I really would not mind if it were him ) Ok, I will tell you. But before you hear the answer, read the points below
1) If you are standing, please sit down.
2) If you are sitting, please hold on to something.
3) If you are sitting and holding on to something, just make sure that “something” is not a hot iron.
4) If “something” is not a hot iron, then it must be a live snake.Check, check!
5) Are you sure? Ok, Lets cut the crap..
Hear it out people! I bumped into GOD himself. When i first noticed the halo around his head, I just walked past to check behind his head and make sure it was not a bulb burning from a portable socket. Of course it was not!
“Oh damn! It’s actually YOU?! Wow! Wait, I am not dead yet right?”
“Wishful thinking kid..You think you will see ME when you die? That’s for people like Mother Theresa”.
“ There! What a spoiler! I would have atleast fantasized for the rest of my life that some day i would end up in a happy heaven..Not anymore! Thank you very much.Huhh!”
“Woah, Woah..Poeple usually fall at my feet and lose consciousness when they see me. And you have the cheek to do a “huhh” on me? Behave kid!What happened to your manners?”
“ YOU tell me creator. You definitely must be knowing what happened to my manners”.
“ I am not going to reveal any secrets, if that is what you are looking for”.
“ Come on! Maybe one or two? Please!! What would I tell people when I go from here?”
“ Arrrggh..Ok, I’ ll think about it. For now, tell me this, how are you liking it here?”
“ Wait a minute. This sounds like one of those employee satisfaction surveys. Why do you ask? If I don’t like it here, will you make it any better? Eh?”
“ Seriously, the day I gave you that mouth, somewhere in 1985,I was in a particularly bad mood. Forgot to put in the nerve that urges you to shut up once in a while!”
“ Thanks to your mood swings, now I have to hear “Will you please shut up?” from mom almost everyday.”
“ I agree. Listen, I can make up for it. I really want to. What can I do for you ?”
“ No wonder you are GOD! Such a sweetheart ! Listen, I need to put up a real kick-ass interview on my blog. Can we begin?”
“ Sure. MORON. “
“ Ok whatever, can we start?”
Here we go! Ladies and Gentlemen...Put your hands together, for the very bright ( because of the halo), the very charming ( the guy has a great sense of humour) and the most sought after (the pooja, bhajan etc.remember?) GOD himself!
For convenience’s sake Pavithra will be Pavs and God will be..err..God.
Pavs : Welcome to my blog Sir. What’s new?
God : Hey Pavs, nice layout. Nothing much! Really! I have been busy of late.
Pavs : Doing what?
God : Seriously! Who says that to me?! I run the world remember?
Pavs : Duhh..You do that anyway. But you said “of late”!
God : Aah, well...You know how it is..There are not many people walking into heaven these days..So I kinda had some time for myself. So I am doing a lot of writing these days..A lot more than before.
Pavs: You write? Super! What’s your book called?
God : Not book child. Destiny. That’s what we write in Heaven.
Pavs : Oh yeah, of course! Stupid of me to expect you to write a book. I would not write a book, if I were God.
God : Exactly! Moving on...What else do you wanna know?
Pavs: Oh, I want to know a lot many things! But right now, tell me this. Remember that thing I keep praying for ? ( Cant put up the details on my blog...hush hush) Tell me, when is it coming?
God : Ha ha ha..Yeah, of course I remember! You remind me atleast thrice everyday..How can i forget. You will get it is all I can say right now.
Pavs : (grinning) There’s a reason why they call you benevolent...How nice of you!
God : Next!
Pavs : Ok, what do you think of the world right now? Its chaos, aint it?
God : Oh yeah! Dont even ask. It’s driving me crazy.
Pavs : Driving YOU crazy?! Are’nt you like all powerful?
God : Ever tried chasing a rat around the house? You are definitely stronger than the rat..But it still drives you crazy..Does’nt it?
Pavs : LOL...Being God and all that, I would expect you to come up with better analogies. Seriously! Ok, anyway, the rat chase reminds me of Tom and Jerry. Do you like Tom and Jerry as much as I do? Whom do you like better? Tom or Jerry?
God : Listen Pavs...As much as I want to sit here on your blog and talk cartoons, seriously, as much as I want to, I cant! I must get going in a minute or two.
Pavs : What?! You just came in. Where do you have to go?
God : I have to make an appearance in an old lady’s dream in exactly 5 minutes from now.
Pavs : And they call you omnipresent! Cant you sit here and talk to me and be there in the old lady’s dream at the same time?
God : Sorry, I cant reveal all that! You ask too many questions kid.
Pavs : That’s because you gave me a human brain that does not really know much!
God : I gave you all the same brain. See how Einstein’s worked? It’s just that you don’t use it well enough.
Pavs : Err...I dunno. But I think I somehow got a raw deal. I have neither the brains nor the riches! How do you expect me to prosper on planet Earth? A dumb chick like Paris Hilton has all that money and an innocent engineer like me gets nothing! Not fair!
God : Ok, listen, I can give you one of those. What do you want? Riches or brains?
Pavs : The brains that can bring in the riches.
God : You are greedy!
Pavs : No I am not. I am just making hay while the sun shines.
God : Damn. That reminds me..It’s almost morning in this side of the world. And, oh no, the old lady is already stirring in her sleep!
Pavs : Cant you make her sleep longer?
God : Ok, seriously, no more questions! I have to go now!
Pavs : No wait, wait. When can I see you again?
God : In exactly 30 years from now.
Pavs : What! How?
God : Heart Attack I think.
Pavs : NO!! NO!! Pleeeaassee!! Wait..Does that mean I will end up in heaven? God? Still there? Hullo?
As God disappears from there, I hear a loud THUD and suddenly my head hurts like crazy.There is a ringing noise in my ear I hear someone shouting in the background.
“ Get up you buffalo! When will you grow up? You better sleep on the floor from now on! Falling off the bed at 25 years of age. Shameless!”
Another blog post ends here.