Sunday, March 28, 2010

I am 25, going on 66 !

      I have been meaning to write this post for sometime now. But then something else comes up and the idea of writing goes out of the window. I just got back from the voting booth after having casted my vote for the Bruhat Bengaluru Mahanagara Paalike elections ( BBMP) elections. Since my blog hits indicate that people who read my blogs( not that there are many ;)) are mostly from Bangalore i will not take the trouble of explaining what the heck BBMP is. For the uninitiated, to sum it up in a line, let’s say BBMP elections are for selecting the guy who will work at getting the roads in your area tarred, the drains cleaned and makes sure that you dog has a safe place to walk and play in. Yeah, so you get the drift right? Ok, moving on! This post has nothing to do with BBMP or Bangalore or Elections. This post is about a disorder. :-|
      I have always lived life ahead of my time. Ok, I just realized that this sentence does not make too much sense, but i will just let it be, for the reason that it sounds vaguely profound to me :-P. Yeah, what i mean by saying that I live my life ahead of my time, is that I have always been preposterous. I outgrew the “I love Barbie” age even before i could get into school, at kindergarten, I was one of the kids who thought that going to school to learn ABC was dumb, in my 3rd grade I used to spend my days thinking “ Ok, so when are they gonna teach us about photosynthesis?” and in high school I used to think I was not fit for school anymore. I looked forward to getting into college, wearing clothes other than your uniform, bunking classes and of course, escaping the torture that my Malayalam-speaking-Hindi teacher used to inflict on us.
      Stuff like this normally happens when you have an older sibling. As a kid, I used to watch my elder sister go about her day, doing the stuff that kids her age are supposed to do. When you are young, there is this undying urge to grow older. And you always fantasize about your life as an older person. So when I saw my elder sister studying chemistry, rattling off cool words like potassium permanganate, I would quickly learn it myself so that I could somehow use it in a conversation at school and freak out the kids in my class with my knowledge about long, complicated words :-P

      And this fascination for behaving older than I actually am, continued to stay with me even when I was older. So very early in life, I was thinking about things that were not really necessary for kids my age. So all through my life, most people have opined that I am too mature for my age. So much so, that right now, I have begun to feel that I think like an old granny! :-|
     Now all this is cool for a while. But when this becomes a routine in your life, it can be quite dangerous. At 12, when you start thinking and behaving like a 15 year old, the problem is that when you are actually 15, you will be bored and lost, because everything you think about or do brings about that feeling of “ Been there, done that”. Deja vu.
      So, this year, while I tick off my 25th year on earth, I feel like I have already lived a million years. In my head that is :-P So much so, that I started having Quarter Life Crisis pangs when I was 22. Its utter crazy!
“You just need to slow down man” one of my older friends told me, when I explained this condition to him. “Just stop thinking and start living” he said. I took that advice. Not because it made sense to me, but because, it sounded like a good line to use on someone. :-D
    Anyway, I have made up my mind to stop thinking too much. To just lie back and relax and live life on slow motion. To hell with Quarter Life Crisis. “It’s an overhyped illusion” I convinced myself.
     If I continue to be the way I am, by the time I am old enough to be an actual granny, what will I behave like? Err, what’s the next stage of old age?Maybe my grandkids will go around telling their friends “Hey guess what man! My grandmom acts like she is already dead :-| ”
    Thereby, keeping the far far future in mind, I hereby declare that I will try and act my age from now on! I begin by accepting the fact that it’s really cool being 25! :) ( Oh damn! This is difficult...) All izz well!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

The Annual Sacred Ritual - Confession Time!!

Hey guess what?! I have a crazy ritual thing going on for the past 2 years. Confessions! Yes! I do it once a year. Now these are not confessions relating to a situation..You know what I mean right? Stuff like “ Hey Mrs.Iyer, yeah, it was I who killed your kitten!” . NOPE. Not those. Stuff like that should never get out people ! My confessions are more like, stuff about me in general and my personality in particular that no one really knows about. I started this trend 2 years back, when I first started blogging( Infyblogs). And it helped. As of today, I feel lighter by atleast 6 well-kept secrets about myself. (Yep… 3 confessions per year in the past 2 years) J

Ok, the reason I do this ritual on the blogs is because I do not have what it takes to sit someone down and confess. Two reasons there. One, I can’t find someone who will sit, listen to what I say and NOT gossip about it. Two, honestly, point 1 is not totally true. The fact is that no one will give a rat’s ass to what I have to say. Now, when you are left friendless(useless friends i.e) and hopeless like this, the internet is your friend. And I will sit my blog down and pen down stuff. By doing this, I get two brownie points. One, I am fearless, I am bringing it out it the open, for the entire world to read. Two, I can be very sure that not even one millionth ( I am bad with fractions btw) of the whole wide  will care to read this…So I am kinda safe!

Ok, cutting the crap, here we go!

1. I talk to my hands
Yes you heard me right. And no,this is not another idiom form the Urban Dictionary. I am actually the jerk who talks to her hands. I treat my right hand and my left one as two different people. And I actually have conversations with them. Most of the time, it’s mental conversations. But I can also recall quite a few times when I actually spoke to them aloud.And guess what..They even have names! :-P...What did you just say? You want to know the names? Stop embarassing me! Weird  I know! But what the hell….Atleast I can be sure that I can say whatever I want to, but they wont talk back :-P


2.   I often dream about being at the Oscars


It’s one thing to “make” dreams. You know, dreams where I find myself walking hand in hand with Johnny Depp while he carries my shopping bags, well, needless to say, I come up with all those. But guess what! This being at the Oscar dream is untouched by me. I mean I never really sit and day dream about being at the Oscars. But somehow, when I fall asleep, several times in a year, I find myself at the Oscars! Isnt that supercool! But the only sad part is the fact that in THIS dream, there is no Johnny Depp…No baby no! Not even at the Oscars…. Damn!

3. I buy stuff that I know I will never use


Now if you are standing at the Cosmetics section of a Supermarket and you have a smiling marketing girl in front of you, deftly displaying bottles of wow-smelling toners and tubs of silk-smooth cream, which has the picture of a smiling beauty on it, trust me, its hard to resist. So what do you do? You give in! Yeah, I give in…And how!! I buy four of those toners and three of those creams K Now, if you have the money to splurge on it, it does not matter. But in my case, it does matter! Cos I am fully aware that it’s the month-end, I am out of dough big-time and that this toner is not something I need, and that the cream is an oily mess that wont suit me, YET, yet ladies and gentlemen, I buy it! Now, why would I do that? I don’t know! I don’t have the answer. At that moment I am possessed! By the ghost of Mrs. Shahnaz Hussain ( who is still alive btw, but looks like a ghost nevertheless) and I swipe my credit card and get the stuff I know I will not use for long!

Now, I can handle the guilt of having killed a kitten, but the guilt of excessive, unwanted shopping? It haunts you. Each time the credit card bill arrives, it’s like a live bomb being delivered into my mailbox. And each month, I can close my eyes and tick off expenses that could be entirely avoided. But still, the smart-ass that I am, I will continue to spend on the stuff next month too!

I think I need some therapy for Excessive Retail Therapy K

Yeah, for those of you who do empathize with me, Thank you very much! For those of you who think I am mad, you know what? Try talking to your hands…It’s real fun! :-P

If you are still reading, I swear, you need therapy!
Go, go, go away from here…Now!!

P.S : Mrs.Iyer is imaginary
P.P.S : Mrs. Iyer's kitten is also imaginary
P.P.P.S : NO. I did not kill her kitten. Duh! Dumbass!

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