Sunday, November 29, 2009

To be or not to be!

 I have always wondered why I am not such a big fan of social networking sites. I do have my account set up in a couple of them, but I was never totally into it. Atleast not enough to catch up with buddies of my age, who spend almost half of their online lives in social networking websites.Everywhere you see, there is this need to tell people what you are up to. My friend tweets almost every other minute, right from “ Oh, I just broke the nail of my index finger on my left hand” to “ Ewww, the guy who sits next to me  wore yellow pants to work today”. In a way, it’s nice to click on a link and find out what your friends are upto, but sometimes,  I do wish I could go back in time to those days, when you had to call a friend on her landline phone to find out if she would be able to make it to the party in the evening. Aaah, the old school me…I am sooo not cool, I know :P
   Everyone seems to know what’s happening in our lives. So when you actually meet a friend in person, there is so little to catch up on. I have been in situations where, while I scratched my head and wondered what to talk about next, my friend duly pulled out her pink mobile from her green handbag and tweeted “ Catching up with Pavi over coffee..wowie!” While my name gets hyperlinked on her page, people click on it to be led away to a dead Twitter account that was last updated when Akbar’s wife delivered Humayun. When I come online on GTalk the next time,  a well wisher pings me “ Hey, what’s up with you? Is everything ok?! How come you don’t tweet at all? Work eh?”.
   And even before I can ping him a reply, another friend’s giggling display pic pops up in the corner of screen and she goes “ Heyy, put up that pic of yours on Facebook da,the one we took last Friday”. And I feel  like Queen Victoria, as outdated and as damn old –fashioned as her. But what the heck! I can choose what I want to do, cant I ? I stick my neck out with as much pride as I can gather and retort back with a little gyaan about how I do not need to flaunt my pics online. “ I will mail them to people who might wanna see them” I say. My female friends rolls her eyes and goes offline, and the male well wisher gives me some more gyaan about how it is important to have a distinct online persona these days. The conversation ends with me pinging “ Hey listen, dinner time, I gtg”.
   After all this ranting, I must admit, you do feel like an outcast when you don’t “belong” to the group that breathes online. So I consciously make a mental decision and decide to stay as active as I can and try and “belong” to “the” group.But old habits die hard. And the vicious cycle continues. J
 Yesterday, while walking back from the parlor after getting my hair trimmed, one famous aunty of our locality happened to pass my way and stopped for a small chat. Among other things, she quickly noticed my freshly trimmed hair and cooed  “ No plans of growing your hair? What will you do for your wedding?”. I faked the most decent smile that I could and replied “ He he he..Now that you mention it, I must think about it”. Luckily, something else of more importance than my hair crossed her mind, and in the next 5 minutes, she filled me in with the latest gossip from our area, starting off from who got married recently, to whose dog pooped in  whose compound. Needless to say, I was least bothered about what she had to say. Two reasons there.
One : I don’t give a heck about who is doing what, as long as it does not involve me.
 Two : I knew I would be discussed next with whoever happened to bump into her after me.
     My mind immediately hit a tangent as I bid her a very well deserved good bye and walked off to my gate. The aunty had no Orkut account, she was the kind who would think Facebook is a book about beauty tips, and the only “Twitter” she knew of was the one she heard in the morning from the branches of the roadside Gulmohar tree. Yet, Yet, my friends, she is as updated about the entire area ( a good 3 km radius) as any other Facebook fanatic is about the people on his friends list. It all boils down to her social networking skills. And she “tweets” every time she bumps into an unsuspecting victim on the road. :p
    So I had my answer. This need to keep talking about ourselves,  is not new at all!! It comes to us naturally. Only the platform we do it on keeps changing with the times. “Social Networking” is the new term for what our mothers did at Kitty Parties. It’s the present day form of the “Leaning over the compound wall” conversations that our aunties had. The nagging sessions our grannies had on the temple steps, the impromptu debates that our grandpas had on the park benches, well, that’s exactly what we do online now!!
  Finally, like father, like son  makes sense. And to think, I was almost blaming my generation! Phew… Aunty if you are reading this “ Namaste..Saadar pranam..Sat Sri Akaal”. :D
Buddies, here I come..To “belong”! :P Bring it on ;)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Reality TV..Really?!

Television these days is an overdrive of emotions. At one end of the spectrum, you have these contestants from god-forsaken reality shows crying their hearts out for public sympathy. Wherever you see , there is this guy weeping like an infant, this girl throwing up a tantrum, wiping her nose, crying her eyes red and acting like she has just been deported out of her country. Relax you idiot! It’s a stupid reality show for God’s sake. Three days down the line, people will not even give you a second look. Now that you have messed up your makeup, even that loser sitting in Armenia , who thought you were hot, will begin to doubt his own judgement. Ok, now that you look like a panda, with those dark circles around your eyes, could you please be kind enough to find a bamboo shoot to chew on and get out of this place?! Phew!

Just when you thought you had had enough tears, there is a commercial break and you see this mommy dear worrying about sending her daughter for cricket training fearing that the dust will spoil her long lustrous hair. The next minute she gets her solution in the form of a one rupee sachet of some shampoo that has been around for ages. In the next frame, you see a smiling mommy and daughter lathering up their heads, with a wonderful smile on their faces. Woah! Do they look happy or what?! If only being happy were that easy! And what’s so funny about shampooing your hair ladies? Is the shampoo ticklish or something?! You make it look like Lord Buddha wasted all his years under the tree, meditating, and trying to find out what happiness was all about. You make the shampoo bottle look like that elusive source of unbound joy that we all look out for! :-|
Ok, your daughter hits a six in the next scene and you want us to believe that the shampoo was responsible for her success? Wait a minute! Did I miss out the scene where you fed the shampoo to your daughter? No wonder!

Now that solves the Indian Cricket Team ka problem. Lather up their heads I say!
I first saw your ad when I was in my diapers. Back then, you showed a row of 6 close-up faces, the first one being the darkest and the other five, exponentially lighter and fairer than the previous ones. Mommies, aunts,grannies,teenagers, school kids, everyone fell for you. Yes, yes, Miss Fair & Lovely, we are talking about you! I graduated from diapers to dungarees and still saw you standing in the place of honour at the dressing table of every Indian woman. Now, if your promises were to be true, poor Saakamma, the maid at my granny’s place, would have glowed with such brilliance that she would need no bulbs at her home! I see her now, after years and years of rubbing you religiously into her skin, and I see no change whatsoever! You made it look like no dark Indian girl would ever find a husband without your help, and that every dark Indian girl would end up as a spinster, living with her cat and crying into her pillow every night, hoping against hope that she would someday look like the moon and find the man of her dreams. Even to this day, your disgusting advertisements carry the same message. Time to fire your advertising agent I tell you! And time to move your cream from the human market to the cat’s department. Because, after all these years, I am sure only black cats, with a brain the size of a peanut will believe in your product. And the next time I see your Ravan-like arrangement of 6 heads, I hope to see 6 scrawny cat faces :-|

Every deodorant ad for men is incomplete without a girl in hotpants. The Zatak ad where the guy passes by and the water from the swimming pool evaporates because of his “hot” body and his “Hmmmm….Hot!” choice of deo, is disgusting. The next time I want to pump water out of my water sump, I know what to do. I am gonna ask my milkman to use Zatak and walk around the sump :p I need to thank you people..Seriously! And one request. Give the girls something to eat please! Lest they end up looking like the scrawny cats that Fair&lovely is going to hire soon :p
Nah.Stupid ads do not bother me much. I don’t give a rat’s ass to any of them! Other than inspiring me to write a stinker post about them, there is very little harm that an idiotic ad can do for me. But they do make me yawn and cringe. And each time they pop up on the TV screen, I get time to take a break to rush to the kitchen and refill my popcorn dabba. This blog will not stop reality dudettes from crying, it will it not help in putting up Fair&Lovely in the cat’s market , nor will it stop the anorexic, head-ache inducing models in Zatak from drooling over a beefy, ugly male model. While they pretend to survive on ice cubes, swimming their hearts out in an empty swimming pool, let me go get a coffee for myself. I have an headache already :-

Yaaaawwwn….Where’s the coffee in my coffee mug?! Is it the cat or the Zatak guy?! Am I lost or what!

My First Post! Yaaay! :D

Well, I have finally done it. After procrastinating for more than a year, I have finally found the time and the good sense to begin an external blog. Blogging is not new to me. I have been a regular blogger on Infyblogs for more than 2 years now. But blogging on the public domain is new to me. However ,since I only write about stuff that crosses my mind and lingers there long enough to make me wanna write about it, I guess I haven’t lost much in beginning late. J
You know, this terrible habit of procrastinating is such a disease! It helps that I am not a journalist. I can only imagine what kind of stale news I would be reporting if I were one! In the utterly funny software industry, there is not much scope for procrastination. There are many reasons why. But the biggest one being the fact that even before you can “think” about procrastinating something, your boss will jump on your neck and make sure you are well aware of the deadlines K I really wanna find this guy who coined the term “deadline”. Some vision he had, I tell you! To be able to coin a term that also tells you the consequences of missing it. “ DEAD” line..LOL
Well..Moving on. There are many things I have been pushing off. And the best part is that, I know exactly what needs to be done, but I can never get myself to do it. Here’s a top 5 list of outstanding tasks that need immediate attention( according to my well wishers), but have been pushed off to be taken care of at a later point of time. If the list sounds very girly, don’t blame me! Its expected…Duh! I am a girl :P
Here it is
1. 1) Getting my eyebrows done:
Remember Kroor Singh from Chandrakanta, the old serial that used to be aired on DD1? Well, I wait until my eyebrows begin to look like his, before I go get them trimmed K I began to look like him some two weeks back, yet I am not “inspired” enough to be able to get out of the house and hit the parlor.
2. 2) Learn Driving:
Yes dear, I don’t blame you for calling me a loser. Call me whatever you want, but the fact remains that I cannot drive! Earlier trials at the task have been majorly disastrous, in spite of being a driving student for a few days :P Forget breaking traffic rules and paying fines, I am scared I am actually kill a few unsuspecting victims if I ever sit behind the wheel again. Again, being chauffeured around is fun. Maybe, applying for a driver’s job somewhere is the only way I can get myself to join a driving school. It’s a question of my bread and butter Sir! Hello!
3. 3) Get over the fear of ghosts:
If you have read the first 2 points and still think I am not a loser, here’s reason why you should consider me one. I am terrified of ghosts! It’s more like the fear of the unknown I guess. I have never seen one and I am sure I will never see one either. But well, it continues to haunt me. They say the only way of getting over fear is by facing it. What are the chances of me facing a ghost? Err…less than zero. So bam! There you go. It’s here to stay. A top contender for a lifetime on “ Pavithra’s to-do list” K
4. 4) Join the gym and kick some ass :
I am sure I will find company here.Not many of us can really get ourselves to hit the gym and trim up. Again, I will call it “ not enough inspiration”. If flaunting a “family pack” instead of a “six pack” not get you into the gym, nothing else will. Well, in my defence, let me just say that dancing to Mika Singh songs in the bedroom is “exercise”..You cant deny! It makes you sweat, it makes you feel miserable and it wastes your time. Is’nt that what the gym does too? :P LOL. If you are some major muscle guy/girl who hits the gym everyday, genuinely, I am sorry you had to read this.
5. 5) Getting Married:
If you have lasted this long, and still intend to read point 5, I must salute you first and say a BIG thank you for having the patience to put up with this silly school girl ranting. Well, yeah, point 5 is getting married! Certainly not my idea, trust me! But if my mother happens to read this blog and does not find this point in the “top 5 “ list, I will have to face some music and listen to some gyaan about “settling down in life” all over again.So, there you go. I have saved myself some trouble ;)

Hmmm, that officially brings us to the end of the first post on my external blog.Thanks for reading. Keep coming back for more non sense. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday! J

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