Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Pretense is betrayal of your own self

       I love studying human beings. It's just so astonishing to watch how our behavior is influenced by external factors. I see complete introverts morphing into extroverts, chatterboxes switching into silent mode, happy people going all sullen and sad, sad ones putting on a happy face, kids acting like grown-ups, grown-ups acting like kids....all based upon our surroundings and the company we keep. It's all good, as long as it is not pretense.By virtue of the prevailing situations, if you are naturally inclined and genuinely feel the need to divert from your general behavior and react in a different manner, it's acceptable. But if it gets to a level where you have to "pretend" to be what you are not, just so that you can "belong" to a certain group, just so that you can be "accepted" into a popular cult, it's not worth it. There is nothing in this world that is worth pretending for. If you are in a position where you are not comfortable in your own skin because you are busy pretending to live a life that is not truly your style, please do yourself a favor and step out of it RIGHT NOW !

       While we are always taught to be part of a community,a group and to belong to an identifiable unit of a society, it is just not right to stick to stereotypes only because everyone else is doing it. While being a part of a group without standing apart, gives you a sense of belonging and of security, it is just not worth the sacrifice of individuality. It is OK to not be OK with certain people. It is OK if you cannot be a part of something everyone else is a part of. It is completely fine to stand apart and hold your own ground, if that is what seems right to you. There is no need to put up with other's eccentricities, only because you think it would be rude to react otherwise. Anyone with a strong sense of individuality is bound to make a few enemies along the way. But if you sacrifice your individuality for the sake of "fitting in", you will just end up making friends you do not need. Tongues will wag, words will flow, but nothing in this world should EVER put you in a position that YOU do not want to be in. Because there is no bigger shame than trying to not be yourself. Do not run away from who you are, just because the real you does not fit into a stereotypical definition. It is better to be abhorred for who you really are than to be loved for who you are not :)


  1. I was expecting for a '9 hour in office' kinda blog today :) :)..
    This one beats it! Very well said! Be yourself!

  2. There's the other side of the coin: the inability of the larger group to understand someone who's different. I don't say they actively oppose, they just fail to identify with.

    While it's always admirable to stand by what you believe in, "pretending" is less about trying too hard to belong, than risk being ostracized.

    The Poor Guy with Rich Friends scenario is a case in point: Poor Guy has Rich Friends who are nice people, great to hang out with et al. Sure they know Poor Guy is not as loaded as they are, and they don't begrudge him because of it. They all have a good time, whenever they can.

    You can guess how Poor Guy's insecurities come into play. Even if he isn't easily swayed by perceived inadequacies, he tends to do things "with the gang" that he wouldn't otherwise at home, or with other groups that share his economic background. Like going on an impulsive trip to Ladakh. Or trying out exclusive clubs.

    Who's at fault here? Poor Guy, because he tries too hard to "belong"? The Rich Friends, who love Poor Guy, but like doing Rich People Things?

  3. @Rindo : That's a good example! The Poor Guy's insecurities are bound to leave him at crossroads...If he chooses to "pretend" to live his life like his rich buddies, it's a choice he makes and he has to suffer the consequences ! But how long can he sustain the show? And wouldn't it be obvious to his rich friends that he is clearly trying too hard to belong ? If our poor guy is a sensible one, he will opt out of the rich boy outings until he can afford it and get started on working towards losing his "Poor Boy" label :)


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