So I thought this insurance policy thingy would help me escape coughing up too much tax and thought I should go for it. The guy, the insurance agent,who happens to be my mother’s student’s brother at college, narrated his woes in such a convincing Bollywood-mother ishytle rona-dona, that I thought , “Ok!Screw it, I am going for this policy”. While he happily slurped coffee, making weird rocket-launch noises each time he took the cup to his mouth, I sat there with a demure expression, looking like a matriarch who is signing off all her khaandani property as a donation to some charity organization. Come to think of it, this is exactly what the insurance policy has done to me.
Now, the LIC ads on TV are so laden with emotion and are so heart-wrenchingly made.Especially the old one which shows the scene where Mrs. Khanna gets her daughter married off with her husband’s insurance money, is emotional and informative and enlightening and awakening and all that…But that was Mrs.Khanna for God’s sake! Her husband paid for it. What was the logic behind my insurance policy again? I remember the insurance guy telling me that by the time I am 40, I can go on a world tour, live in the best high-end hotels , eat at all the fancy restaurants and still manage to come back home with enough money to help me sail through my 40s and mid-50s. Oh yeah, all that is right! It makes sense. I can do all that..of course! But what he forgot to mention is that I would have to work my ass off till I was 40, do the world tour with whatever my generous husband (if any) offers to spend, come back home and work my ass off again to make sure I don’t have to live on the streets…Mid-50s did he say? I wonder if any husband worth his salt will keep a woman who tours the world with his money under his roof ever again ( I would not, if I were the husband!). Even if he does, he will repent it. Because, mid 50-s is when women will need the big bucks ( for Botox treatment..teeeeheeeheehee :P)
So this policy matures when I am 40 something. And if my children happen to take after me by any chance, I can give it in writing that they will sniff the cash from miles away! And if the genetics work right, they can even be clever enough to coax me into handing it over to them on a silver platter. If they have my sense of humour as well, they will even call a photographer to click this event. And if they happen to be as crazy as me, they may even frame the photograph and put it up on the living room hall, write “To Mama, with love” under it, and make it look like they are presenting me that amount as a retirement gift. K
So dearies, here I am, wondering how to hoard money to pay up my premiums, so that I can ensure I have some cash on me in my 40s (hopefully I will make it there!),just so that my children can afford the luxury of putting up a gold-gilded photo of my fake-retirement gift. Have you ever heard of a yet-to-be-married-forget-being-a-mother who can do such a big sacrifice, just so that her children can live their wicked fantasies?! I beat the LIC-ad-ka-Mrs.Khanna, hands down…Any day!
I am happy I wrote this. Next time someone asks me , what the hell I was thinking when I opted to pay up this huge premium for my LIC Jeevan Anand policy, I know exactly what to say “Ek 40+ something aurat, ek patni, aur ek maa hone ka kasht, aap kya jaanenge Suresh Babu!” Bwhhahhaaha!
There is no one who can survive a Bollywood-mummy-type crying episode. Where is my insurance agent? He thinks he is the only one who can put on the Bolly-mummy avatar?! Bring him here! (I have to hunt him down anyway, save me the trouble!)Two more months before I start pinching around to pay my premium! K Keep me in your prayers people! And pray for a rain of cash on me ;)