Friday, April 9, 2010

Funniest one liner - Padmashri Saif Ali Khan!

       Hey people, guess what?!  Rakhi  Sawant is being honored with the “ Ordre du Canada” ( Order of Canada), one of the highest Civilian awards in Canada for choosing a Canadian citizen as her hubby-boy! How cool is that. Considering the fact that they never made it to the altar, I was expecting that poor Rakhi would not receive this award, but the Canadian Government is so mighty impressed with the graceful manner in which he handled the break-up, that they were double-sure that Rakhi was the most deserving candidate for this honor.
    Yeah, more than half of you must have believed the stuff that you just read. Right?  Not your mistake guys, not your mistake. Btw, that news was totally made up by me.. But at some level, it did sound believable yeah? When we are living in a time when the boyfriend of a size zero heroine gets the fourth highest Civilian award for his contribution to Indian Cinema and when the US President gets honored with a Nobel Prize for Peace in anticipation of all the great work that he “might” do in the future, it would not be totally unfair to honor the very graceful Miss.Rakhi with the Order du Canada ;)
  We live in a world where show business runs like no other business. If you can just manage to “show” the world, stay in the news, create a ripple now and then and stay in the good books of the press, rest assured, you can be sure the world will sit up and watch. You just need to be loud, outgoing, immodest and entertaining. And yes, an illustrious lineage helps!
      At some wildest level of imagination, in the farthest degree of optimistic exaggeration, and considering the kinda mess his predecessor Bush created, maybe, just maybe, the guys who picked up Obama for the Nobel Peace Prize felt that he was a breath of fresh air and just in the way you would simply gulp down a dirty glass of water in a scorching desert, Obama’s activities as President may have given the Nobel guys some much needed hope and some hot brownie points to show to the world. That still does not justify giving him an honor that eluded even the very deserving Mahatma Gandhi. But frankly I don’t attach much value to any news that has something to do with the White House. For two reasons. One, it rarely makes sense, though it does create a lot of sensation! Two, Bush was such a joker, that now, for me, the White House is one huge circus. You just watch, shout “ Oh look!!” and clap your hands. Any reaction more than that is utter waste! So when the whole world was caught up in “Obamania” and the Nobel Peace Prize happened, I just gave it my trademark smirk, shook my head and walked off.
     But, but, but….Desi news does not deserve the same treatment! At least not from me. I LOVE desi news. And especially when it’s Bollywood, I just don’t let it go unnoticed! I am in awe of Bollywood and it’s ability to churn up non-sense on such a consistent basis. Seriously, if there is a Guinness Book of World Records entry for creating non-sense, Bollywood will win hands down. Forget the movies, there is so much happening in the REAL life of our Bollywood demigods, that even the steamiest scene in a Bollywood drama cannot distract you from the REAL drama.Our very own Chota Nawab, father of two little children and the boyfriend of a girl almost the same size as his kids, is now the proud recipient of the fourth highest civilian award in the entire nation. And the very well behaved Chota Nawab is so happy with the news that, he has been giving out innumerous press statements telling the world how much this award means to him and how proud his lady love is! Seriously, if I were in his shoes, I would die of humiliation and embarrassment :-P I mean, how do you explain this to someone who asks “ So hey buddy, what do did you do to get this?”
      Maybe I am just imagining it, but when I saw the pics of the Chota Nawab bending down halfway and receiving the award at Rashtrapati Bhavan he almost looked like he felt guilty ;) Just like I would, if someone called me up to receive an award for the Best Bollywood Debutante ;)Ok, let’s be a little fair to poor Saifu baccha Khan. So Sharmila Tagore is a direct descendant of  Rabindranath Tagore, Tiger Pataudi is from a Nawab Khaandaan and some sleepy National Awards jury gave Saifu Boy a National Award for his acting. Plus, there is the bubbly Kareena as his arm candy. And someone just got up and decided that obviously makes him a Padmashree..Wow!Padmashree Saif Ali Khan..damn that sounds almost as good as Bollywood ka baadshah Kamaal Khan ( yeah the Deshdrohi guy!) .
       If this award is for Saifu’s acting, rofl,seriously,it makes it all the more embarrassing. We have seen what he does! The guy speaks through his nose, his histrionics are fits-inducing,his dance looks like he just got electrocuted and his comic timing and his sense of humour are all a total rip-off of our own Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The guy cant act for his life! Agreed, Dil Chahta Hai was nice. That’s cos he had to act dumb in it ( which he is already, so he just had to be himself). The rest of his movies are all so-so. But yeah, I will give him 2 points for his beefed up body though..I think poor boy actually worked on it.
     Saif has given all the losers, new found hope.One of my friends even contacted the Pataudis to check if they were adopting. They wanted to know the reason. My friend told them he wanted a Bharat Ratna. The Pataudis understood the state of the poor boy and are now in talks with his lawyer to seal the deal. So maybe two years down the line, you will have Bharat Ratna Pappu Maharaj from UP :-|
        Everything is now falling into place. If you scroll down and check my older blog, you will see that I always get a recurring dream of being at the Oscars. I think that is  gonna be true very soon. Someone might just call me up and say I have just won an Oscar for Best Actress in anticipation of all the good acting that I will do when I quit my job, join an acting school, go join a gym, enroll for a makeover session, get adopted by the Angelina Jolie, clinch a deal in Hollywood, win a Golden Globe and finally make it to the nomination list for the Academy Awards. Oh boy! I just can’t wait! Take a cue and dream big people!
     I leave with a picture of Saifina at Rashtrapati Bhavan. Check out the look on his face!! He looks as excited as a 2 year old in a candy store! 


  1. with that u grant him enough publicity :P !! and nice template!!

  2. Now that you mention it,maybe I can charge him a hefty fee for the free publicity ;) Thanks! :)

  3. Is there a Padmashree for killing peepal with pee jays? If yes, tell me the shortcut to the prestigious award. ;-)

  4. Yeah...There is one for PJs Pras..It's called Padmaheeheehee :D
    There is no shortcut to this one buddy...Just laugh your way to it ;)


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