Television these days is an overdrive of emotions. At one end of the spectrum, you have these contestants from god-forsaken reality shows crying their hearts out for public sympathy. Wherever you see , there is this guy weeping like an infant, this girl throwing up a tantrum, wiping her nose, crying her eyes red and acting like she has just been deported out of her country. Relax you idiot! It’s a stupid reality show for God’s sake. Three days down the line, people will not even give you a second look. Now that you have messed up your makeup, even that loser sitting in Armenia , who thought you were hot, will begin to doubt his own judgement. Ok, now that you look like a panda, with those dark circles around your eyes, could you please be kind enough to find a bamboo shoot to chew on and get out of this place?! Phew!
Just when you thought you had had enough tears, there is a commercial break and you see this mommy dear worrying about sending her daughter for cricket training fearing that the dust will spoil her long lustrous hair. The next minute she gets her solution in the form of a one rupee sachet of some shampoo that has been around for ages. In the next frame, you see a smiling mommy and daughter lathering up their heads, with a wonderful smile on their faces. Woah! Do they look happy or what?! If only being happy were that easy! And what’s so funny about shampooing your hair ladies? Is the shampoo ticklish or something?! You make it look like Lord Buddha wasted all his years under the tree, meditating, and trying to find out what happiness was all about. You make the shampoo bottle look like that elusive source of unbound joy that we all look out for! :-|
Ok, your daughter hits a six in the next scene and you want us to believe that the shampoo was responsible for her success? Wait a minute! Did I miss out the scene where you fed the shampoo to your daughter? No wonder!
Now that solves the Indian Cricket Team ka problem. Lather up their heads I say!
I first saw your ad when I was in my diapers. Back then, you showed a row of 6 close-up faces, the first one being the darkest and the other five, exponentially lighter and fairer than the previous ones. Mommies, aunts,grannies,teenagers, school kids, everyone fell for you. Yes, yes, Miss Fair & Lovely, we are talking about you! I graduated from diapers to dungarees and still saw you standing in the place of honour at the dressing table of every Indian woman. Now, if your promises were to be true, poor Saakamma, the maid at my granny’s place, would have glowed with such brilliance that she would need no bulbs at her home! I see her now, after years and years of rubbing you religiously into her skin, and I see no change whatsoever! You made it look like no dark Indian girl would ever find a husband without your help, and that every dark Indian girl would end up as a spinster, living with her cat and crying into her pillow every night, hoping against hope that she would someday look like the moon and find the man of her dreams. Even to this day, your disgusting advertisements carry the same message. Time to fire your advertising agent I tell you! And time to move your cream from the human market to the cat’s department. Because, after all these years, I am sure only black cats, with a brain the size of a peanut will believe in your product. And the next time I see your Ravan-like arrangement of 6 heads, I hope to see 6 scrawny cat faces :-|
Every deodorant ad for men is incomplete without a girl in hotpants. The Zatak ad where the guy passes by and the water from the swimming pool evaporates because of his “hot” body and his “Hmmmm….Hot!” choice of deo, is disgusting. The next time I want to pump water out of my water sump, I know what to do. I am gonna ask my milkman to use Zatak and walk around the sump :p I need to thank you people..Seriously! And one request. Give the girls something to eat please! Lest they end up looking like the scrawny cats that Fair&lovely is going to hire soon :p
Nah.Stupid ads do not bother me much. I don’t give a rat’s ass to any of them! Other than inspiring me to write a stinker post about them, there is very little harm that an idiotic ad can do for me. But they do make me yawn and cringe. And each time they pop up on the TV screen, I get time to take a break to rush to the kitchen and refill my popcorn dabba. This blog will not stop reality dudettes from crying, it will it not help in putting up Fair&Lovely in the cat’s market , nor will it stop the anorexic, head-ache inducing models in Zatak from drooling over a beefy, ugly male model. While they pretend to survive on ice cubes, swimming their hearts out in an empty swimming pool, let me go get a coffee for myself. I have an headache already :-
Yaaaawwwn….Where’s the coffee in my coffee mug?! Is it the cat or the Zatak guy?! Am I lost or what!